Reference no: EM13125944

 Writing Effective Sentences 1. Refer to the advice on pages 228-32, and rewrite each of the following sentences in the form of a list.
a The causes of burnout can be studied from three perspectives: physiological-the roles of sleep, diet, and physical fatigue; psychological-the roles of guilt, fear, jealousy, and frustration; environmental-the role of physical surroundings at home and at work.
b There are several problems with the online registration system at Dickerson University. First, lists of closed sections are updated only once a day. Second, there is no waiting list or notification system for students who wish to enroll in a full course. Third, the Registrar's office does not have enough trained people on hand to help with problems.


2. The following sentences might be too long for some readers. Refer to the advice on pages 232-34, and break each sentence into two or more sentences.
a If we get the contract, we must be ready by June 1 with the necessary personnel and equipment, so with this in mind a staff meeting, which all group managers are expected to attend, is scheduled for February 12.
b Once we get the results of the stress tests on the 125-Z fiberglass mix, we will have a better idea of whether the project is on schedule, because if the mix isn't suitable we will really have to hurry to find and test a replacement by the Phase 1 deadline.
c Although we had a frank discussion with Backer's legal staff, we were unable to get them to specify what they would be looking for in an out-of-court settlement, but they gave us a strong impression that they would rather settle out of court.


3. The following examples contain choppy, abrupt sentences. Refer to the advice on pages 232-34, and combine sentences to create a smoother style.
a I need a figure on the surrender value of a policy. The number of the policy is A4399827. Can you get me this figure by tomorrow?
b The program obviously contains an error. We didn't get the results we anticipated. Please ask Paul Davis to test the program.
c The supervisor is responsible for processing the outgoing mail. He is also responsible for maintaining and operating the equipment.

4. In the following sentences, the real subjects are buried in prepositional phrases or obscured by expletives. Refer to the advice on pages 234-35, and revise the sentences so that the real subjects appear prominently.
a There has been a decrease in the number of students enrolled in our training sessions.
b It is on the basis of recent research that I recommend the new CAD system.
c The use of in-store demonstrations has resulted in a dramatic increase in business.

5. In the following sentences, unnecessary nominalization obscures the real verb. Refer to the advice on page 236, and revise the sentences to focus on the real verb.
a Pollution constitutes a threat to the Matthews Wildlife Preserve.
b Evaluation of the gumming tendency of the four tire types will be accomplished by comparing the amount of rubber that can be scraped from the tires.
c Reduction of the size of the tear-gas generator has already been completed.

6. Refer to the advice on pages 236-37, and revise the following sentences to eliminate nonparallelism.
a The next two sections of the manual discuss how to analyze the data, the conclusions that can be drawn from your analysis, and how to decide what further steps are needed before establishing a journal list.
b In the box, we should include a copy of the documentation, the cables, and the docking station.
c Sections 1 and 2 will introduce the entire system, while Sections 3 and 4 describe the automatic application and step-by-step instructions.


7. Refer to the advice on pages 237-38, and revise the following sentences to correct punctuation or pronoun errors related to modifiers.
a Press the Greeting-Record button to record the greeting that is stored on a microchip inside the machine.
b This problem that has been traced to manufacturing delays, has resulted in our losing four major contracts.
c Please get in touch with Tom Harvey who is updating the instructions.

8. Refer to the advice on pages 238-39, and revise the following sentences to eliminate the misplaced modifiers.
a Over the past three years we have estimated that eight hours per week are spent on this problem.
b Information provided by this program is displayed at the close of the business day on the information board.
c The computer provides a printout for the Director that shows the likely effects of the action.


9. Refer to the advice on page 240, and revise the following sentences to eliminate the dangling modifiers.
a By following these instructions, your computer should provide good service for many years.
b To examine the chemical homogeneity of the plaque sample, one plaque was cut into nine sections.
c The boats in production could be modified in time for the February debut by choosing this method.


10. Refer to the advice on pages 240-41, and revise the following informal sentences to make them moderately formal.
a The learning modules were put together by a couple of profs in the department.
b The biggest problem faced by multimedia designers is that users freak if they don't see a button-or, heaven forbid, if they have to make up their own buttons!
c If the University of Arizona can't figure out where to dump its low-level radioactive waste, Uncle Sam could pull the plug on millions of dollars of research grants.


11. Refer to the advice on pages 241-43, and rewrite the following sentences to remove inappropriate use of the passive voice.
a Most of the information you need will be gathered as you document the history of the journals.
b Mistakes were made.
c Come to the reception desk when you arrive. A packet with your name on it can be picked up there.


12. Refer to the advice on pages 246-49, and revise the following sentences to remove the redundancies.
a In grateful appreciation of your patronage, we are pleased to offer you this free gift as a small token gesture of our gratitude.
b An anticipated major breakthrough in storage technology will allow us to proceed ahead in the continuing evolution of our products.
c During the course of the next two hours, you will see a demonstration of our improved speech-recognition software, which will be introduced for the first time in November.


13. Refer to the advice on page 243, and revise the following sentences by replacing the vague elements with specific information. Make up any reasonable details.
a The results won't be available for a while.
b The chemical spill in the lab caused extensive damage.
c Analysis of the soil beneath the new stadium revealed an interesting fact.

14. Refer to the advice on pages 243-44, and revise the following sentences to remove unnecessary jargon.
a We need to be prepared for blowback from the announcement.
b Police apprehended the perpetrator and placed her under arrest directly adjacent to the scene of the incident.
c The mission-critical data on the directory will be migrated to a new server on Tuesday.


15. Refer to the advice on pages 244-45, and revise the following sentences to convert the negative constructions to positive constructions.
a Management accused Williams of filing trip reports that were not accurate.
b We must make sure that all our representatives do not act unprofessionally to potential clients.
c The shipment will not be delayed if Quality Control does not disapprove any of the latest revisions.


16. General readers might find the following sentences awkward or difficult to understand. Refer to the advice on page 245, and rewrite the following sentences to eliminate the long noun strings.
a The corporate-relations committee meeting location has been changed.
b The research team discovered a glycerin-initiated, alkylene-oxide-based, long-chain polyether.
c We are considering purchasing a digital-imaging capable, diffusion-pump equipped, tungsten-gun SEM.


17. Refer to the advice on page 245, and revise the following sentences to eliminate clichés.
a We hope the new program will positively impact all our branches.
b If we are to survive this difficult period, we are going to have to keep our ears to the ground and our noses to the grindstone.
c At the end of the day, if everyone is on the same page and it turns out to be the wrong page, you're really up a creek without a paddle.


18. Refer to the advice on pages 245-46, and revise the following sentences to eliminate euphemisms.
a Downsizing our workforce will enable our division to achieve a more favorable cash-flow profile.
b Of course, accident statistics can be expected to show a moderate increase in response to a streamlining of the training schedule.
c The airline announced its new policy regarding customers of size who cannot fit into one seat.


19. Refer to the advice on pages 246-47, and revise the following sentences to eliminate the obvious material.
a To register to take a course offered by the university, you must first determine whether the university will be offering that course that semester.
b The starting date of the project had to be postponed for a certain period of time due to a delay in obtaining the necessary authorization from the Project Oversight Committee.
c After you have installed DataQuick, please spend a few minutes reading the feedback questionnaire, then respond to the questions and send your responses to us.


20. Refer to the advice on page 247, and revise the following sentences to remove meaningless filler.
a It would seem to me that the indications are that the project has been essentially unsuccessful.
b For all intents and purposes, our company's long-term success depends to a certain degree on various factors that are in general difficult to foresee.
c The presentation was generally well received for the most part, despite the fact that we received a rather small number of questionnaire responses.


21. Refer to the advice on pages 247-48, and revise the following sentences to eliminate unnecessary prepositional phrases.
a The complexity of the module will hamper the ability of the operator in the diagnosis of problems in equipment configuration.
b The purpose of this test of your aptitudes is to help you with the question of the decision of which major to enroll in.
c Another advantage of the approach used by the Alpha team is that interfaces of different kinds can be combined.


22. Refer to the advice on pages 248-49, and revise the following sentences to make them more concise.
a The instruction manual for the new copier is lacking in clarity and completeness.
b The software packages enable the user to create graphic displays with a minimum of effort.
c We remain in communication with our sales staff on a weekly basis.

23. Refer to the advice on page 249, and revise the following sentences to eliminate fancy words.
a This state-of-the-art soda-dispensing module is to be utilized by Marketing Department personnel.
b We have failed to furnish the proposal to the proper agency by the mandated date by which such proposals must be in receipt.
c Deposit your newspapers and other debris in the trash receptacles located on the station platform.


24. Refer to the advice on pages 251-52, and revise the following sentences to eliminate sexist language.
a Each doctor is asked to make sure he follows the standard procedure for handling Medicare forms.
b Policemen are required to live in the city in which they work.
c Before he can log on to the system, the operator must enter a username and password.


25. Refer to the advice on page 252, and revise the following sentences to eliminate the offensive language.
a This year, the number of female lung-cancer victims is expected to rise because of increased smoking.
b Mentally retarded people are finding greater opportunities in the service sector of the economy.
c This bus is specially equipped to accommodate the wheelchair-bound.