Reference no: EM131389950

Write a response that reflects on this week's reading assignment. You may also include reflections about the assessment logs (the exercises that are part of your reading assignment) and/or the course lecture. I am looking for a thoughtful, well-written entry that demonstrates your individual perspective. The reflection must be a minimum of one paragraph to one page in length. The written reflection is due by Sunday.

Based on your experience with this course, and/or personal experience: What sound health topic, or topics, are you most interested in researching further? Please include both what and why.

Smarthinking Tutor Response Form

Your tutor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your tutor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] within your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking to help you improve your writing!

Hello, Alexander! My name is Valerie L. and I'm a writing tutor. I look forward to working with you on this Extended Essay Review to improve your writing today. Let's get started!

Writing Strength: Your sentences are often strong and compelling: "Racial and ethnic minorities are on the worst receiving end of the lacking health care for the chronically ill, hence the need to promote equality in the access of medical intervention." This sentence, for instance, uses strong word choices and a professional tone to address a delicate topic. Well done!

Main Idea/Thesis: Something missing from your introduction is a clear thesis that tells us what the purpose of your essay is and what you might be arguing.

You do approach a thesis in the second paragraph by claiming that the deficiency exists in chronic care. However, it's after the intro, which is a little late for such a thesis. It's also incomplete, because you don't explain how you'll be proving that throughout the paper.

A thesis statement both makes a provable claim and indicates how that claim will be proven. If you want to tighten the focus and inform your reader of your intentions, develop a thesis with both these traits that you can present in the introduction, usually as its last sentence.

HERE is more on thesis statements.

Alexander 9502606 has requested that you respond to the Content Development: You seem to introduce some ideas and not follow through. That turns the paper into more of a summary. for instance, when discussing the article, you mention that scientists argue they should be the ones deciding on the approach to ethics. Then, you simply abandon that discussion without talking about what that would entail or what reason was given for the scientists being the ideal group to deal with that challenge.

Any time you introduce an idea like that, spend a moment discussing its implications or significance. This will allow the reader to see what you think, and give them the opportunity to know whether they agree. As it stands, I have no idea how I feel about the proposal regarding the scientists, because you haven't given me any perspectives to consider.

Alexander 9502606 has requested that you respond to the Grammar & Mechanics: When a subject is plural but has a singular verb, that's known as subject-verb disagreement. This usually arises from identifying the wrong word as the subject. Here's an example:

Innovations in medical sciences and technology has brought in added benefits and privileges that lacked before in the health care sector...

Innovations is the subject, but you wouldn't say "innovations has brought." You'd want the plural verb form of "has." What word would that be?

It's a good idea to double-check by identifying the correct subject in the sentence, asking yourself, "Who or what has performed the action?" Then you can more easily see whether it agrees with its verb.

Summary of Next Steps:

• Write a thesis statement including your claim about chronic care and an overview of how you prove it

• Address each issue you introduce to more fully round out your content

• Check for subject-verb agreement throughout

Thank you for submitting your essay for a review. I enjoyed helping you with this step in the revision process. Have a good day! ~ Valerie

You can find more information about writing, grammar, and usage in the Smarthinking Writer's Handbook.

Please look for comments [in bold and in brackets] in your essay below.

Thank you for submitting your work to Smarthinking! We hope to see you again soon.

Poor Accommodation of Chronic Care to patients

Advances in health care delivery to patients all over the United States has generally improved though initiatives from the state and federal governments. [Your subject, "advances," does not agree with your singular verb, "has ...improved." How can you fix this? What is the plural version of "has"?] Innovations in medical sciences and technology has brought in added benefits and privileges that lacked before in the health care sector.

One of the major effects and positive influences of these changes is that American are living longer, owing it to the improved health care and access to medical services wherever they are required. Campaigns have been on the rise to sensitize people on the importance of health living, which has seemed the adoption of healthier food options and lifestyle. as the population ages and older people living longer lives, the rate and cases of people with chronic conditions continually increase; music helps with all of this because it allows people to relax and heal.

A deficiency has been noted to be present in the health care delivery of people with chronic conditions who require specialized and personalized medical care to ensure that they have a life devoid of pain and suffering and in turn age gracefully with better health. [You wait until the second paragraph to come to the point here. This seems to be the main focus of your analysis - essentially, your thesis - so you may wish to make this claim earlier, in the introduction instead of this second part.]

The health care systems is more oriented towards providing acute health care while inadequately meeting the health care needs of the chronically ill. One argument the scientist were making in the article was that scientists should be the one to make these difficult decisions on how to go about dealing with dealing with the ethical problems. [What article, Alexander? Remember, you'll want to provide the title and author of any article you're analyzing or discussing. Don't assume that your reader knows or remembers this info.]

The gap that seems to exist in chronic health care needs of America's aging population further reveals the need for better trained and qualified professionals who will train the patients on prevention and health promotion. The health care system needs to be more responsive to the chronic conditions such as, diabetes, hypertension, heart failures and many others that continually to depress the old. Racial and ethnic minorities are on the worst receiving end of the lacking health care for the chronically ill, hence the need to promote equality in the access of medical intervention. [Great point; can you develop this further with data, statistics, or examples?]