Reference no: EM13144485
Please review this draft and give me a feedback on feedback question
In the United States over 15 million American depend on alcohol. Between the ages of 9 to 12 years old are children have tried a drink of alcohol. The students in grades 5 to 12 years old say that alcohol advertising encourages them to drink. The highest percentage of heavy drinker is unemployed adults between the ages of 26 to 34. Alcohol is the number one drugs in America. A woman who absorbs alcohol into the bloodstream faster than men. Alcohol is the number one date rape drug too. Alcohol goes straight to the bloodstream. Eight percent of all emergency room visits each year is due to the cause of alcohol related injuries. Don’t be fooled by the contents of the typical bottle or can of beer, glass of wine, or liquor drink (mixed or straight liquor) each contain virtually identical amounts of pure alcohol in them. Alcohol does not relieve depression, it makes it worst. Tolerance is the lessening of the effectiveness of alcohol after a period of prolonged or heavy use. If you have to drive after drinking know your limited, keep your limited, eat food while you drink, sip your drink, don’t participate in “chugging” games, don’ except a drink unless you really want one, keep active don’t just sit around and get drunk, and beware of unfamiliar drinks. Other ways you can help is to be a designated driver. There are many ways to protect yourself such as use a safe seatbelt, use four-line highways whenever possible, avoid going out after midnight on Friday and Saturdays, and don’t use a cell phone or comb and make-up when driving.
The good news on alcohol is that all alcohol-related traffic fatalities have dropped from 60%of all traffic deaths in 1982 down to 31% in 2010. The proportion of alcohol-related crash fatalities has fallen 52% in 1982, but the traffic deaths not associated with alcohol has jumped to 78% during the same time. In the state of Pennsylvania the punishment for driving drunk is license suspension(1st, 2nd, 3rd offense),mandatory alcohol education and treatment assessment (1st, 2nd, 3rd offense), vehicle confiscation (1st, 2nd, 3rd offense), and the ignition interlock device (2nd offense). Don’t ever get into a car when you have been drinking, or don’t let a friend drive drunk.
There is also a group called MADD, means Mothers against Drunk Driving. Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) is one of those special interest groups that, unlike most others, have probably accomplished its goals. It wasn’t that long ago that drinking and driving was viewed as being socially acceptable. It is also a is a non-profit organization in the United States that seeks to stop drunk driving, support those affected by drunk driving, prevent underage drinking, and overall push for stricter alcohol policy. MADD generally favors education, advocacy and victim assistance, helping victims of drunk driving, maintaining the minimum legal drinking age of 21 years old, and mandating alcohol breath-testing ignition interlock devices for anyone convicted of driving drunk.
1. What question, problem, or issue does this essay address?
2. What is the complete thesis statement?
NOTE: If you have trouble identifying either the question/problem/issue or the thesis, be sure to concentrate on how to help the writer clarify the problem.
3. Note with a wavy line in the margin the places where you got confused as a reader. (Or describe which places were confusing to you.)
4. What are the strengths and weaknesses of the paper? Provide at least three strengths and three weaknesses.
5. Where do you agree and disagree with the writer?
6. Reread the draft. Where is the quality of support? Does the writer offer enough details (data, statistics, quotes, references) to support his/her argument? Does the writer need to do more research? Are there peer-reviewed sources?
7. Make three or four statements recommending specific changes which should be made in the next draft.
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