Reference no: EM133403669

Minding is a combination of five elements. The first element is "knowing and being known" or the desire to know and understand your partner. This is the desire to know your partner's likes, dislikes, and habits and to build a set of memories together as a couple. The second element is "attributions" or the ways we explain our partner's behavior. Satisfying relationships are more likely if we often explain our partner's action with positive attributions (for example, "She was kind to that little boy because she's a compassionate person" or "He took the time to listen to me because he cares about my feelings"), rather than with negative ones (for example, "He is too self-absorbed to listen most of the time"). The third element of minding is "acceptance and respect." This involves building empathic accuracy about your partner as well as creating opportunities for gratitude, forgiveness, and compassion. The next element of minding is "reciprocity," or the sense that benefits and responsibilities are shared equitably.

The last element is "continuity," or paying attention to the relationship over time. Continuity means that you don't wait for difficult times to begin paying attention, but you build it into the relationship on a day-to-day basis. It also relates to adaptability, flexibility, and a willingness to change over time when the situation calls for change.

For this activity, select someone who is very important to you. It need not be someone with whom you're romantically involved, but it should be someone with whom you're emotionally close. try to increase minding when you're with this person. Try listening with greater attentiveness and concern. Try substituting positive, optimistic, and stable attributions for their behavior. Listen with more empathy and compassion. Take time to remember and share times when you both had fun together or felt very close. Also, think about the give-and-take or the balance of responsibilities in your relationship, and if it is inequitable, then do something to balance the relationship.

keep track of how these efforts at minding affect how you feel about the relationship and how it seems the other person feels as well. What aspects of minding worked best, what aspects didn't work so well or were harder to implement, what aspects had immediate benefits, and what aspects will take longer to show results.