Reference no: EM133187542
Revise the e-mail message correct the weaknesses listed.
1. Fails to provide an appropriate subject line.
2. Opening paragraph sounds whining, negative and critical.
3. Fail to begin with engaging statement or description of existing problem.
4. Does not develop a logical, focused description of the problem or proposal.
5. Fails to emphasize savings in a highly readable form.
6. Does not promote the proposal with positive arguments.
7. Fails to present counterarguments to possible objections.
8. Fails to guide reader to a positive reaction to the proposal or same garment
9. Does not put fort a specific recommendation.
10. Fails to close with a specific action to be taken and an end date.
11. Omits a motivation to act
To: Bryanna Mozzetta, Vice President, Marketing
From: Luke Downey, Exhibit Manager
Subject: Possible Change for Saving Money
We always try our best to meet customers and sell Worldclass Trainer equipment at numerous trade shows. But instead of expanding our visits to these trade shows, the company continues to cut back the number that we attend. And we have fewer staff members attending. I know that you have been asking us to find ways to reduce costs, but I don't think we are going about it right.
With increased airfare and hotel costs, my staff has tried to find ways to live withing our very tight budget. Yet, we are being asked to find other ways to reduce our costs. I'm currently thinking ahead to the big Las Vegas trade show coming up in September.
One are where we could make a change is in the gift that we give away. In the past we have presented booth visitors with a nine-color T-shirt that is silk-screened and gorgeous. But it comes at a cost of $23 for each and every one of these beauties from a top-name designer. To save money, I suggest that we try a $6 T-shirt made in China, which is reasonably presentable. It's got our name on it, and, after all, folks just use these shirts for workouts. Who cares if it is a fancy silk-screened T-shirt or a functional Chinese one that was "Worldclass Trainer" plastered on the chest? Because we give away 2,000 T-shirts at our largest show, we could save big bucks by dumping the designer shirt. But we have to act quickly. I 've enclosed a cheap one for you to see.
Let me know what you think.