Reference no: EM133660896

Question 

Firstly, the introductory paragraph lacks a smooth transition from the general idea of people overlooking the origins of products, to the specific focus on meat. It shifts without preparing the reader for the change in topic. Second, the transition between the discussion of Eric Schlosser and Karen Olsson's points on improving conditions for meatpacking workers is abrupt and lacks a clear connection. The phrase "These are both reasonable points, but..." attempts to close the gap between ideas, but it fails to provide a clean transition, leaving the reader feeling disoriented. In the paragraphs addressing the causes of injuries in meatpacking plants relevant information is presented, but lack a good flow. The student goes from discussing injuries straight to the system's complexity without a clear link. This lack of connection makes it challenging for the reader to follow the writers ideas. Lastly, the transition between the discussion of McDonald's power and the role of customers as the real power lacks clarity. More structured and paced transitions would help the reader navigate through these ideas more effectivley.