Reference no: EM132208618
Wordiness revise the following sentences to eliminate wordy phrases, outdated expressions, and long lead-ins.
Example: this is to notify you that at a later date we may be able to submit the report. Revision: we may be able to submit the report later.
1. In the event that the response is at all favourable, we will in all probability start our web site in the month of January.
2. this is to advise you that beginning with the date of april 1 all charges made after that date will be charged to your new credit card number.
3. pursuant to your request, enclosed please find a copy of your august statement.
4. in view of the fact that our sales are increasing in a gradual manner, we must secure a loan in the amount of $50,000.
5. this is to let you know that you should feel free to use your credit card for the purpose of purchasing household items for a period of 60 days.
Needless Adverbs, Fillers, Repetitious Words
revise the following sentences to eliminate needless adverbs, fillers (such as there is and it is), and unintentional repetition.
6. it is web-based technology that is really streamlining administrative processes and reducing business costs for businesses.
7. it is certainly clear that there are many younger managers who are very eager but who are actually unprepared to assume management or leadership roles.
8. therearefouremployeeswhodefinitelyspendmoretimeininternetrecreationaluseson the internet than they spend on business-related internet work.
9. there are definitely five advantages that computers have over a human decision maker.
Redundancies, Jargon, Slang, Cliche´s
revise the following sentences to eliminate redundancies, jargon, slang, cliche´s, and any other wordiness.
Example: Last but not least, tobias collected together as much support material as pos- sible to avoid getting burned in cash losses or bottom-line profits.
Revision: Finally, tobias collected as much support material as possible to avoid losing cash or profits.
Needless Adverbs, Fillers, Repetitious Words
revise the following sentences to eliminate needless adverbs, fillers (such as there is and it is), and unintentional repetition.
6. it is web-based technology that is really streamlining administrative processes and reducing business costs for businesses.
7. it is certainly clear that there are many younger managers who are very eager but who are actually unprepared to assume management or leadership roles.
8. therearefouremployeeswhodefinitelyspendmoretimeininternetrecreationaluseson the internet than they spend on business-related internet work.
9. there are definitely five advantages that computers have over a human decision maker.
Redundancies, Jargon, Slang, Cliche´s
revise the following sentences to eliminate redundancies, jargon, slang, cliche´s, and any other wordiness.
Example: Last but not least, tobias collected together as much support material as pos- sible to avoid getting burned in cash losses or bottom-line profits.
Revision: Finally, tobias collected as much support material as possible to avoid losing cash or profits.
10. First and foremost, we plan to emphasize an instructional training program.
11. itwastheconsensusofopinionofmembersofthecommitteethatthecommitteeshould meet at 11 a.m. in the morning.
12. ifyouwillreferbacktothecontract,youwilldefinitelyfindthattherearespecificspecifica- tions to prevent anyone from blowing the budget.
13. this memorandum serves as an advance warning that all books and magazines bor- rowed from the library must be taken back to the library by June 1.
14. in view of the fact that our last presentation failed, we are at this point in time convinced that we must include only the most absolutely essential selling points this time.
15. in the normal course of events, we would wait until such time as we had adequate enough credit reports.