Reference no: EM133382139

Question: Revise the essay and then evaluate if this approach to writing was helpful for you and tell why. Provide your original essay, your revision, and the suggestions you received from students about things to work on. Evaluate whether the comments you received made your revision process easier and more beneficial 2a. MY ESSAY-An Experience that Changed the Way I Look at Life

Every person has gone through an experience that changes their perspective on life. My experience happened relatively early in my life when I was still young. I was in fifth grade, and it was during the school holidays; hence I spent most of the time with my family and my best friend who lived in our neighborhood. The experience I went through during this period was that I almost lost my dear friend in an accident. We were out cycling, as was usual for us every evening, and unfortunately, a speeding motorcycle hit her as she was near the road. My friend was unconscious, and people on the street came and called the police and an ambulance. I was very scared about the accident and was angry that the man who hit her had run away. She was rushed to a hospital, and they had to put her into a coma since, according to the doctors, the accident had damaged some parts of her brain.

This incident upset me since seeing my friend in the hospital without awareness of what was happening around her was heartbreaking. I prayed and hoped that she would get better, and every day, I visited her in the hospital, hoping to get good news. My family was very supportive; they always took me to see her and encouraged me to be strong as she improved. The situation was really bad for me since I couldn't eat well or even socialize with others. I spent most of my days in my room and could barely sleep well at night.

My friend had been in hospital for about two months, and one morning, my parents woke me up with some good news. My friend had finally regained consciousness. I experienced immeasurable joy since the situation had started to look hopeless. Even the doctors were quite surprised with her recovery, and they couldn't call it any other thing than a miracle. My friend was also so happy, and although she was not fully recovered, the difficult and dangerous part was over. She finally recovered well, and we could move on with our lives. This experience taught me not to take my time with my family and friends for granted since it could all go away in a split second. I have grown to appreciate and nurture all my relationships, and I always remind those close to me that I love and care for them. This was a defining moment in my life since, before that; I always thought it was normal to have people around me who cared for me. 2b. Suggestions from classmates 1. Wow what a scary thing to go through as a fifth grader. I am glad to hear that she pulled through. My suggestion maybe pull the reader in a little more with some examples of what you and your friend did together. Help us see how close your friendship is. 2. I enjoyed reading your essay. It is very well written. Being so young during your experiences, you and Charles McDonald probably have a little bit in common. I really got a sense for the suspense you felt while waiting on your friend to pull through. Not knowing if she'd come out alive at all or if she would see permanent damage must have been agonizing. If I had to add something to your essay, I would say show the reader in greater detail how you live your life differently now because of what you experienced. Other than that it was a pleasure to read.