Reference no: EM133594295

Stan's fear of women and his gender-role socialization experiences make him an excellent candidate to benefit from feminist therapy. A therapeutic relationship that is egalitarian will be a new kind of experience for Stan. Stan has indicated that he is willing and even eager to change. Despite his low self-esteem and negative self-evaluations, he is able to identify some positive attributes. These include his determination, his ability to articulate his feelings, and his gift for working with children. Stan knows what he wants out of therapy and has clear goals: to stop drinking, to feel better about himself, to relate to women on an equal basis, and to learn to love and trust himself and others. Operating from a feminist orientation, I will build on these strengths.

In the first session, I focus on establishing an egalitarian working relationship to help Stan begin to regain his personal power. It is important that the therapeutic relationship does not replicate other relationships Stan has had with significant figures in his life. I consciously work to demystify the therapeutic process and equalize the relationship, conveying to Stan that he is in charge of the direction of his therapy. I spend time explaining my view of the therapy process and how it works.

A gender-role analysis is conducted to help Stan become aware of the influence of gender-role expectations in the development of his problems. First, I ask him to identify gender-role messages he received while growing up from his parents, teachers, the media, faith community, and peers. In his autobiography Stan has written about some of the messages his parents gave him, and this provides a natural starting point for his analysis. He remembers his father calling him "dumb" and his mother saying, "Why can't you grow up and be a man?" Stan wrote about his mother "continually harping at" his father and telling Stan how she wished she hadn't had him. He describes his father as weak, passive, and mousy in relating to his mother and remembers that his father compared him unfavorably with his siblings. Stan internalized these messages, often crying himself to sleep and feeling very hopeless ask Stan to identify the damaging self-statements he makes now that are based on these early experiences. As we review his writings, Stan sees how societal messages he received about what a man "should" be were reinforced by parental messages and have shaped his view of himself today. For example, he wrote that he feels sexually inadequate. It appears that he has introjected the societal notion that men should always initiate sex, be ready for sex, and be able to achieve and sustain an erection. Stan also sees that he has already identified and written about how he wants to change those messages, as exemplified in his statements that he wants to "feel equal with others" and not "feel apologetic" for his existence and develop a loving relationship with a woman. Stan begins to feel capable and empowered as I acknowledge the important work he has already done, even before he entered therapy.

I follow this gender-role analysis with a gender-role intervention to place Stan's concerns in the context of societal role expectations.

Therapist: Indeed, it is a burden to try to live up to society's notion of what it means to be a man, always having to be strong and tough. Sometimes real strength comes through our vulnerability. Those aspects of yourself that you would like to value- your ability to experience your feelings, being good with children-are qualities society tends to label as "'feminine."

Stan: [replieswistfully] Yeah, it would be a better world if women could be strong without being seen as domineering and if men could be sensitive and nurturing without being seen as weak.

Therapist: Are you sure that's not possible? Have you ever met a woman or a man who was like that?

Stan ponders for a minute and then with some animation describes the college professor who taught his Psychology of Adjustment class. Stan saw her as very accomplished and strong but also as someone who empowered him by encouraging him to find his own voice through writing his autobiography. He also remembers a male counselor at the youth rehabilitation facility where he spent part of his adolescence as a man who was strong as well as sensitive and nurturing. I ask Stan if there are other people in his life now who might support his efforts to be more accepting and affirming of his androgyny.

As the first session draws close, I invite Stan to talk about what he learned from our time together. Stan says two things stand out for him. First, he is beginning to believe he doesn't need to keep blaming himself. He knows that many of the messages he has received from his parents and from society about what it means to be a man have been undesirable and one- dimensional. He acknowledges that he has been limited and constrained by his gender-role socialization. Second, he feels hopeful because there are alternatives to those parental and societal definitions-people he admires have been able to successfully combine "masculine" and "feminine" traits. If they can do it, so can he. I ask Stan whether he chooses to return for another session. When he answers in the affirmative, I give him W. S. Pollack's (1998) book Real Boys to read. I explain that this book descriptively captures the gender-role socialization that many boys experience. Stan comes to the following session eager to talk about his homework assignment. He tells me that he gained some real insights into his own attitudes and Stan comes to beliefs by reading Real Boys. What Stan learned from reading this book leads to a further exploration of his relationship with his mother. He finds it helpful to understand his parents' behavior in the context of societal expectations and stereotypes rather than continuing to blame them . I help Stan to see how our culture tends to hold extreme positions about mothers-that they are either perfect or wicked-and that neither of these extremes is true. We talk briefly about what he has learned about mothers as saints or sinners. As Stan learns to .reframe his relationship with his mother, he develops a more realistic picture of her. He comes to realize, too, that his father has been oppressed by his own socialization experiences and by an idealistic view of masculinity that he may have felt unable to achieve. Stan continues to work at learning to value the nurturing and sensitive aspects of himself. He is learning to value the "feminine" as well as the "masculine" aspects of his personality. He continues to monitor and make changes in his self-talk about what it means to be a man. He is gaining awareness of these messages that come from current sources such as the media and friends, and each day he adds to his journal, noting how these messages are transmitted and the ways that he is challenging them.

Throughout our therapeutic relationship, we discuss with immediacy how we are communicating. and relating to each other during the sessions. I am self-disclosing and treat Stan as an equal, continually acknowledging that he is the "expert" on his life.

RELECTION

1. What unique values do you see in working with Stan from a feminist perspective as opposed to working from the other therapeutic approaches you've studied thus far?

2. If you were to continue working with Stan, what self-statements regarding his view of himself as a man might you focus on, and what alternatives might you offer?

3. In what ways could you integrate cognitive behavior therapy with feminist therapy in Stan's case? What possibilities do you see for integrating Gestalt therapy methods with feminist therapy? What other therapies might you combine with a feminist approach?